PRE-REQUISITES
FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION - part 1
Sally approached her husband - "Jim
dear, will our budget allow for a new pair of glasses?"
"Well if you bought a new pair it would take our
account to zero!" Great was Jim's shock when 10
days later Sally asked him how he liked her new glasses!
What happened? Jim wanted to put it as kindly as possible
that there wasn't enough money to get a new pair of
glasses, Sally heard him say there was just enough money
for a pair of glasses!!
How do we prevent such misunderstandings?
By learning to communicate in such a way that we will
foster understanding.
PRE-REQUISITES FOR COMMUNICATION
THAT LEADS TO UNDERSTANDING:
- TIME - Make time to get to know one
another!! If we don't make time we will not have time.
"Saying you don't have time is never a statement
of fact, it is a declaration of one's priorities."
(Dr Louw Alberts) We all have 24 hours and we put
into it what is most important to us.
- TRUST - "I am afraid to tell
you who I am because you might not like who I am and
that is all I've got!" John Powell A person will
never open up to someone they cannot trust.
- TRANSPARENCY - being able to share
your deepest emotions and thoughts. This leads to
intimacy in a relationship.
UNDERSTANDING INCEASES
WITH DEEPER LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION:
The Five Levels of Communication from Why I Am Afraid
To Tell You Who I Am, by John Powell.
- CLICHè - elevator talk - "Hi,
how are you?" "Fine thanks!" We speak
but don't share anything about self. Remain isolated
and alone.
- FACTUAL - share what you know but
expose nothing of yourself. Being content to just
report what so-and-so said and so-and-so did.
- OPINION - share your ideas and judgments
about matters. Here we start opening ourselves to
rejection - others might not agree with our opinions.
- EMOTIONAL - "Gut level communication"
- talking about your feelings, desires, hopes...
- TRANSPARENCY - sharing your heart
- the real you. "I am afraid I might lose my
job." "I feel so alone." This level
requires a deep degree of trust, commitment and friendship.
Good marriages thrive in levels 4 &
5 yet Powell believes that the majority of married couples
seldom move beyond levels 1, 2, and 3.
Our goal in communicating is to gain
understanding; understanding comes as we learn how to
really listen as well as how to talk so that we are
understood. For the introduction to this article go
to The Foundation of Good Communication
Go to www.familylife.org.za
for info on events presented, e-mail info@familylife.org.za
or call 012 4607424
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